Keeping Secrets Reveal The Truth
by HeavenlyKitten
Summary: A blast from Sheppard's past comes back only to cause problems in his present.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: _Well, I had this idea after I finished another story and I thought too bring a character from that story into this one. You don't have to follow the other story to keep up with this one. Normally my stories revolve around Ronon. This one I wrote because this season on Atlantis renewed my lust for John Sheppard._**

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**_Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or thing in SGA._ **

** Keeping A Secret Reveals The Truth**

"Hey Sheppard I thought you'd be in here." Ronon said as he walked into the sparring room where he saw John practicing.

He knew he'd find him here since he could tell that he was uneasy. Last week the latest installment of the new crew came in with the Daedalus. That new crew brought over his past love. Ronon could tell that he was upset simply by her being here. Nalani on the other hand was ecstatic. The two women had stayed up all night talking or whatever because Nalani didn't come back to his room until sometime this morning. That didn't stop him from having his way with her. In fact if he didn't need to be out of bed he wouldn't have gotten up from her.

"Hey, you need something?" he asked as he put the sticks in his hand down.

He had been in a mood since he saw his past come right into his present. All five feet and two inches of her. With longer hair that curled and was a darker shade of her normally brown hair. Her eyes hadn't changed though they were still the color of the sea. Only this time instead of love for him they would hold something else. Something he didn't want to say let alone think. Her skin was a little more tanned than he remembered, but it had been nearly five years since he saw her. It didn't help that he hadn't had a chance to tell Teyla about his past. In fact the only one that knew was Ronon. His plan was to stay as far away from her as he could, but with her beginning here working in the infirmary he was bound to run into her. Truth was he couldn't help, but feel those old feelings for her once again. He had been so close to spending his life with her. That was something he thought he would never do again. He hadn't planned on it until he met her. The more time he spent with her the more he couldn't imagine life without her in it. He sighed as he walked over to Ronon who was sitting next to the wall.

"You look like you've been in here all day." Ronon started. He knew why Sheppard was in here working up a sweat. He remembered back when he started to have feelings for Nalani, He would spend hours in here beating up everyone he could until he was so tired he could barely drag his self out of the room.

"No, just for the past two hours."John said grabbing his water and sitting next to him.

"This wouldn't have to do with the newest addition that came in last week would it?" he asked already knowing the answer

"I tried to tell Teyla last night you know." John sighed deeply " This would've been a lot easier if Teyla hadn't already met her and told me she liked her."

"The longer you keep this from Teyla the harder it's going to get." Ronon said as he thought about how he wold feel should Nalani have someone from her past that she couldn't tell him about. _What if she did? How could I handle that?__Knowing that another man had touched her body. Had seen her naked._ He thought as he suddenly hated all the men that ever saw her naked and made a mental note to kill them should they come here.

"I know, but how do you tell the woman you're currently involved with about the one you were almost engaged to?" he questioned softly as he ran a frustrated hand through his already messy hair." It's starting to effect our relationship without her even knowing."

"I've asked you before and you couldn't give me a straight answer so I'm gonna ask you again." Ronon paused as his eyes briefly met John's." Do you still love her?"

"We didn't brake up because I didn't love her." he said softly" I broke things off with her because it wasn't fair for her to wait for me when I didn't even know if I was coming back."

"Here's an easier question." Ronon thought about what he was going to say."Do you love Teyla?"

"Of course I do." He said as his eyes met Ronon's." What kind of a question is that?"

"It's a question that you should really think about before you say anything." Ronon stated" Mainly since you can't tell Teyla about this other woman nor can you honestly say how you feel about her. If you still have feelings for her you need to tell Teyla now before things get more complicated and you end up hurting her even worse."

"It's already too complicated." John said as he sighed heavily. Truth was he could feel his relationship with Teyla falling apart. He knew it was his fault because he wasn't putting in the effort anymore.

"Teyla will understand if you tell her besides her having to hear it from someone else." Ronon said. _I would be going through the same thing should by some sheer chance that Melena would've made it and came back into my life. I wouldn't know how to tell Nalani. I love Nalani with all my heart, but I loved Melena too and at one time we were married. I loved Melena before I even met Nalani._

"I know." John said feeling like his entire world was about to come crashing down around him _God why does this have to be so hard for me_. _Why can I talk to Ronon about my past, but not Teyla the woman I love? _"You've been talking with Nalani a lot haven't you?" he saw Ronon's smile before it even touched his face.

" If you want to call it talking." Ronon stated with a smirk.

John laughed softly

"Last night she didn't come in until this morning." Ronon said as he thought about his role in not telling Nalani about Sheppard's past with her best friend." I feel bad about not telling Nalani about your history with her friend."

"You could've told her you know." John stated as the two leaned back against the wall and stared into the middle of the floor.

"It wasn't my story to tell." he said softly

"I've got some beer in my room you want to go there instead of sitting on this hard floor?" John suggested as he got to his feet.

"Sure." Ronon got up.

John wasn't sure what he was going to do he just knew that his past had suddenly came crashing into his present and that didn't make him happy.


	2. Friends Keep Secrets

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or thing from SGA**_

**Chapter Two**

"So, how is it that the girl who swore she would never date a military guy is now not only dating, but in love with him." Kendra said as she and Nalani sat in the south eat abandoned part of the city on a balcony overlooking the water. Kendra had to admit it was beautiful even though she knew that at any moment she'd run into her past and suddenly this place just seemed to small now.

"She grew up." Nalani stated softly as she thought about how easy things were when she was sixteen."I've went through so much." she sighed" I've lost so much because of the wraith, but I also gained a lot."

"Nalani did I ever tell you about the guy I was in love with five years ago?" Kendra asked as she knew it was time she told her best friend since high school the truth.

"Only that he was a jerk who broke up with you because of his job." Nalani said as she heard Ronon's voice

"Nalani are you in here?" his voice caused her to smile

"Yeah, we're in here." Nalani turned from her sitting position to look in his direction

Kendra knowing that the two needed to be alone stood up.

"Hey." Ronon said to Kendra as he realized Sheppard wasn't far from them.

"I'll leave you two alone." Kendra went to walk away from them, but Ronon's voice stopped her before she got around the corner

"It's okay I can talk to Nalani later on you two were having a nice talk." Ronon knew Nalani suspected something by the look she gave him as he knelt down to her and kissed her before he left the two alone.

"What the hell was that all about?" Kendra asked as she still stood in her spot next to the door way.

"I don't know." Nalani said as she slowly stood up and eyed the spot where Ronon had disappeared to suspiciously.

"Well, he's your fiancee'." Kendra laughed as they heard muffled voice from outside

"Let's go see what my fiancee is up to." Nalani said as the two women rounded the corner and saw Ronon and John walking away."Ronon? John? What are you two plotting?" Nalani didn't miss the sharp in take of breath from Kendra nor did see miss the look of shock on John's face. She turned to see the same look on Kendra's face." Don't tell he's the jerk that broke your heart."

"Hey I'm not a jerk." John stated defensively

"You broke her heart five years ago. You left her for your job." Nalani stated defending her best friend, but also feeling awkward since John had become her best friend too." You didn't even have the guts to tell me when we were watching the home video together. I shared my feelings of missing her with you and you never said anything." she felt like a complete dumb ass now. Here she was showing how happy she was with Ronon and all the while John was hiding the fact that he was once with her best friend. How could that happen and she not know? She was in the stargate program so she was gone a lot.

"There's two sides to the story here." John started as he looked at Nalani then Kendra. His eyes locked with her deer caught in head lights look.

"Did you know about this?" Nalani asked Ronon.

"Don't be mad at Ronon he was just being my friend and listening to me." John said before Ronon had a chance to say anything.

"Nalani this is none of our business we should let them handle it their own way." Ronon said as he pulled Nalani toward him.

"Does Teyla know about your past or did you keep it from her too?" Nalani threw at John before Ronon pulled her down the hall.

Hearing that there was someone else in John's life brought Kendra out of her shock state. Truth was she still loved him after all these years. He was still the man she held everyone else up to compare to. He was still the star of her dreams. His hands. His lips. His voice. Kendra felt like she about to faint. Did it have to be Teyla? She liked the woman very much, but now hit with the news that she was with the man she considered the love of her life hurt a lot more than some stranger being with him.

"Are okay?" John asked concerned for the woman before him.

"Yeah I'm fine." Kendra lied softly as she regained control of her self" I'm glade that you found someone to make you happy." She moved to side step him, but his gentle touch on her upper arm stopped her.

"Why are you here?" he asked her fighting against the urge to pull her to him.

"Atlantis needs all the medical people she can get." Kendra replied as she felt this zing go through her arm where John's hand rested.

"Yeah I get that, but _why are you_ here?" he questioned her as their eyes finally met.

"Well, you can rest assured I'm not here for you or to rekindle something that died a long time ago." she said as she gently extracted her self from his grip.

"That's good to know." he said as he let her slip out of his hand.

"Did it have to be Teyla?" she questioned as she brought her eyes up to his." I happen to like her and consider her a very good friend."

"Well, sorry I met her first." John said knowing it sounded childish, but the thought of his past love being so close to his current love bothered him.

"Oh, and Lt. Col. Sheppard for the future stay away from me unless we have to work together which I do not see that happening." she stated as she walked away from him

John looked in the direction that she took off in. Seeing her. Touching her. This was going to be tough than he thought. He walked off toward his room. He was grateful that Teyla was not there.


	3. A Kiss Of Truth

_**A/N: **__Thanks so much for the reviews. It does a writer good to know their work is being enjoyed and if I can ease at least one persons mind through my writing then I've done my good deed for the day. LOL. I read that quote somewhere and thought it was pretty good. I hope you enjoy the rest._

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA.**_

**Chapter Three**

Kendra had been on Atlantis for nearly a month in that time she rarely saw John which was good for her, but she also rarely saw Nalani which wasn't as good since she could use her best friend's advice. Kendra also didn't see a lot of Teyla. She wondered if John told her about their past and that was why she no longer sought her out to train her. Then again with everything that was going on it could be that she was just very busy. Kendra was working on some test results which she had been going over repeatedly simply because she was avoiding leaving the infirmary for fear of running into John. She kept telling herself that she was over him. He left her five years ago to come here. Then it hit her. Today marked that five year. She sighed giving up on working because her mind just would not let her do it. A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped as her eyes flew up to meet those of Dr. Keller's.

"Hey you need a break I've seen you rub your eyes one to many times." Dr. Keller stated with a soft smile.

"Yeah I was just thinking that myself." Kendra said as she stood up and stretched out her muscles." Do you think anyone would be in the sparring room right now?"

"I don't know." Dr. Keller stated as she busied her self

"Well, for my sake I hope not." Kendra stated as she walked out of the infirmary.

Cautiously she walked down the corridor looking ad listening for any sign that would indicate John being near. She thought she was doing avoiding him as long as she had. She went to her room to change into some comfortable clothing. A pair of light pink yoga pants and a white tank top. She found a box she forgot she had packed and inside the box she found a beautiful diamond and sapphire anklet that brought back memories. Memories she tried real hard to let come to the surface.

Flashback

'_I saw this and though about you' John stated as he handed Kendra along black velvet box. They'd been together for almost three years and this was the first time he brought her something out of the blue._

'_Oh my...' words failed her the minute she saw the tiny anklet inside.' It's so beautiful.'_

'_Just like you.' he said as he knelt down and place it on her ankle. He kissed from her smoothed ankle all the way to her knee._

'_I love you John Sheppard.' Kendra stated softly' I love with all of my heart. My body. My soul.'_

'_About the body love...' he smiled as he kissed her fully on her lips.' I love you completely.'_

End Of Flash Back

Kendra tossed the box across the room letting hit the floor with a soft thud. _How could it be possible to be that much in love with someone one day and the next..._ She sighed and let an unchecked tear slid down her cheek. He was the first man she let get that close to her and she vowed no one else would ever make her that blind again. She washed her face and went to jog to the sparring room. On her way to paused to retie her shoe. She heard the sound of doors swooshing open and looked up to see Teyla standing outside of what appeared to be John's room. Her heart nearly stopped when she saw a shirtless John lean out and kiss Teyla. _Why did it have to be Teyla? What did she do so right that I did so wrong? How could she make him happy when I couldn't? _She was frozen in her spot well, after Teyla had left and John had gone back inside his room. It took a moment to gather herself together. When she reached the sparring room no one was there. She was thankful for that. She did some stretches and warmed up before she started a work out session. Two hours later she was tired, but still her traitorous brain wouldn't leave John in her past. The memory of his touch. His kiss. It all was still so fresh in her mind. She lay down on the floor and sighed.

"Damn men I'm gonna be a lesbian." she said thinking she was all alone.

"If my memory serves me right I love men entirely to much."She came to a sitting up position as her eyes met John's.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" she questioned as she lay back down to tired to move right now.

"Well, you're kinda in my part of the city." he stated not wanting to argue with her in fact right now all he wanted to do was kiss her.

"It's a big city." she stated

"Yes it is." he said as he sat down next to her

"Then why do we keep running into each other?" she asked softly

"I don't know, but I'm glad we did." he said as he turned just enough so that their eyes met.

"I like Teyla a lot John." she told him" As loyal as I want to be to her I can't do that as long as you're here with me." that confession startled her and she made a move to get up, but john stopped her with his hand on her upper arm.

"It's hard for me too." he said" I still can't bring myself to tell her about us."

Kendra sighed softly as she leaned forward and kissed him fully on the lips.

It was a stupid move. One she'd kick herself for in the morning. Tomorrow she would tell herself it was a moment of sheer insanity that made her do it. Tomorrow this moment would be gone. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. As long as this moment was here she would drink from the lips of John Sheppard. The love of her life.


	4. Confessions and Uncertainies

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Four**

John hadn't intended to do this when he came in here. He needed a work out, but the moment he felt her lips on his it was like coming home all over again. A home he had been away from for far too long. His hands came to settle on the back of her neck as he deepened the kiss. A small voice in the back of his head told him this was wrong, but an even bigger voice told him it was okay. It was just a kiss. Just a little kiss. He felt her lean back and his body seemed to follow of it's own accord. He was laying half over her still kissing her, but now his hand traveled down her body. He knew every curve she had like it was the back of his hand. He felt the moan she let escape before he heard it. His body responded to hers naturally. All too soon reality hit hi and he pulled back from her flushed body as he ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"I, I gotta go." Kendra said braking the silence between as she got to her feet.

"Kendra wait." John said as he too got to his feet.

"No, really I've gotta get back to work." she said as she turned to face him, but stumbled over her own foot.

He reached out to steady her.

"It's after two in the morning." he said feeling the urge to kiss her again.

"Yeah Dr. Keller's been working on something that could help us with our wraith problem." she said as she took a step back from thinking the door was open, but instead it wasn't. She felt the cool metal against her back

"I'm not going to apologize for kissing you just now." he stated as his hand came up to her cheek.

"It wasn't your fault I kissed you."she felt like her body was still on fire just from the brief kiss and touch of his body. God how she had missed him.

"I kissed you back." he said as he looked into her eyes.

"You're with Teyla." she thought that if she brought up Teyla it would make the look of desire go from the expression on his face.

"I know." he said as he back away from her

"It's best for everyone that we not be alone with each other." she said softly

"I told her about us." John said

"What did she say?" Kendra asked

"She said you were my past and she understood the reason why I chose not to share you with her." he said softly

"She's a very understanding person." Kendra said feeling like the worst heel ever. She kissed John who now was with Teyla.

"Yes, she is." he said" Damn it why did you have to come here!" he paced around the room

"I didn't chose to if that's any consolation." she said still standing against the door.

"Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you?" he asked as he stopped pacing to look her square in the eyes.

Kendra didn't say anything she just stood there.

"I felt like I had ripped my heart out." He said " I never wanted to fall in love again."

"But you did." she stated softly

"Yes, I did, but not like I was in love with you." he confessed

"John you don't have to do this." she said fearing that he was about to turn her world upside down again

"I told my self braking up with you was the right thing to do because I had no right to ask you to wait for me when I wasn't even sure if I was coming back." he said as he stood right in front of her" Now, here you are." he paused" I can't be true to Teyla as long as I want you."

"John, want comes from a physical need." her voice was so soft she wasn't sure if he had heard her.

John just looked at her.

"I know what it is." he said feeling like he was about to fall apart any moment." Since you came back I can't eat. I can't sleep." stepped within her personal space now." Without thinking of you." with this said he kissed her again

Kendra pushed him back at arms length.

"You're with Teyla now she's one of my closest friends." she said feeling like she couldn't breath

"Then go before I end up hurting Teyla." John stated as the doors swooshed open sending Kendra falling back against the hard chest of Ronon Dex

"Kendra?" Nalani questioned as she saw Ronon steading Kendra then her eyes saw John" John?"

"Um, I'm going to go." Kendra said as she stepped around Ronon.

"Haven't you hurt her enough?" Nalani questioned as she looked up at Ronon" I have to go to her."

"Go to her." Ronon stated as she left.

John was pacing around the room when Ronon let the doors swoosh shut behind him.

"I was fine until I saw that damn tape of Nalani's." John stated

"Did you tell Teyla?" Ronon asked

"Yes, and wouldn't you know she understood why I didn't say anything before." John stated feeling like the lowest dog he could.

"Does she also know you still have feelings for Kendra?" Ronon asked

"I'm not sure what I feel for her anymore." John stated

Ronon didn't say anything more on the subject.

Men settled things a lot differently then women did. So, Ronon and John sparred.


	5. Drunken Confessions

_**A/N:**__ Thank you all very much for enjoying my story here._ _I wasn't sure how it would work out_, _but I'm glad you all are enjoying it._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Five**

Nalani found Kendra sitting on a set of stairs not far from the sparring room.

"Hey." she said as she sat next to her.

"I tried so hard to stay away from him." Kendra started" I even worked double shifts so I wouldn't accidently run into him." she swiped at an unwanted tear." I told myself it was a big city I would never have to be alone with him. Teyla's one of my friends."

" You're my best friend normally I'd give some heartfelt advice, but sweetie I can't tell you what to do in this case." Nalani stated" I saw how hurt you was after John left you. I'd say find someone else and stay away from him because he's hurt you enough, but I can't." she knew her friend still loved John Sheppard. She hated being caught in the middle of this love triangle. She was too close to each person involved and someone was bound to get hurt.

"Don't you think I've tried to get over him. To let him go." she stated " I almost had myself convinced I was better off without him, but then I saw him with Teyla. I saw him kiss her and I felt like my heart had been ripped out once again."

Nalani just sat there and listened as Kendra vented her anger and hurt.

"I was going to the sparring room to get rid of my thoughts of him." she paused" Then he came in and we were talking about this being a big city. The next thing I know we were kissing."

"He kissed you?!" Nalani questioned shocked

"Well, I kissed him." Kendra corrected

"He kissed you back." Nalani stated

"Yes, he did." Kendra stated" God, Nalani this is harder than I thought it would be."

"Kendra are you still in love with John?" Nalani asked as Kendra shot to her feet.

Kendra stood up so fast she lost her footing and fell down the few steps she was on.

"Kendra are you okay?" Nalani asked as she went to her friend's side

"Yeah I've just bruised my pride that's all." she stated

"You know what you need?" Nalani got this michievous look in her eye.

"What?" Kendra was almost to afraid to ask.

"A girl's night in ." Nalani suggested

"If I could have that I'd be so happy." Kendra said as Nalani helped her up to her feet.

"Well, then it's settled we're going to get your mind off of John Sheppard and who knows maybe somone else will be on your mind." Nalani smiled at her friend as the two walked off together

"I've got this wine in my room that I smuggled in." Kendra said

"Oh, I've got some stuff from the mainland that will take your mind right off of everything." Nalani said as they went back to her room.

"Are you sure Ronon's gonna be okay with this?" Kendra asked

"Yeah, he'll be gone for a while." Nalani said once they were inside her room.

" Our first toast should be to us rekindling our friendship." Kendra said as Nalani handed her a glass.

Four hours later and half a bottle of wine not to mention four glasses of what Nalanie had Kendra was still thinking of John. Nalani had passed out on her bed so Kendra stumbled out the door. She was heading toward her room when she felt her world spin. She stopped and leaned against the wall for support as she saw her room about four feet ahead of her. Carefully she walked toward it. Just as she was about to reach her door John came into view.

"What the hell?" she said surprised her voice sounded better than she walked.

"You've been drinking with Nalani havn't you?" john asked as he reached out to steady her

"You're imagining things." she said as she swayed into him" Wow you've gotten more stronger since I last saw you."

"Yeah and you still can't hold your liquor." John said as he helped her to her door.

"I never stopped loving you." she confessed as he held her to him in one arm and opened her door.

"We'll talk about this in the morning when you're better able to talk." John said fighting the urge to kiss her

She went to walk to her bed, but she swayed when John reached for her they both ended up on her bed with him on top of her. She looked into his eyes and saw a home she'd longed for, for five years. She couldn't fight this anymore. In the morning she'd blame the liquor or Nalani. Right now all she wanted to do was press her lips against his. So she did. It was like being back home after being away for so long. It felt so right and yet so wrong. John pulled back from her.

"Kendra you don't want to do this now." John said softly

"We can't ever do this." she said as she shoved him off of her" You're with Teyla. I can not betray her trust like this no matter what I feel for you." if she could've she would've sat up, but at this moment she felt sick.

John saw her trying to get up and helped her.

"You look like you're going to..." before he could finish she threw up just missing him.

"You should go before I aim better next time." she told him

"If it's any consolation I still love you too." he told her as he walked out of her room.

Kendra took a shower to clean her self up and passed out before her head even touched the pillow.


	6. Pissed Off Woman With A Gun

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Six**

"Dr. Edison they want you in the gate room." Dr. Keller came over to her.

Kendra who had been nursing a killer hang over looked up at the other doctor.

"Why?" she asked

"Because you're going off world with Col. Sheppard's team." Dr. Keller stated

"What?" she was surprised" I, I can't."

"Yes, you can. I've got to go over these files that Dr. Beckett left."Dr. Keller stated

"You don't understand I don't mix well with the whole worm hole thing." she said not really wanting to see John again after last night.

"Well, you'll have to get use to it." Dr. Keller said

Kendra sighed as she reluctantly went to the gateroom. John was already there with Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon. Kendra felt like she was going to be sick and not from last night either. She couldn't face Teyla after everything that has happened.

"Well, it's about time you made it." Rodney said as he saw her

"Sorry I'm not feeling well." she said softly

"That's what happens when you drink too much." Ronon stated. He remembered coming back from sparring with Sheppard to see Nalani passed out on their bed. Then this morning she was sick.

"Yeah well, blame your fiancee." Kendra said as she saw a smile creep up the corner's of Ronon's lips

"She's your best friend." he said as he saw her smile.

They got on the jumper with Ronon sitting behind Teyla who was sitting next to John. That left Rodney sitting in the back with Kendra. Who was feeling very uneasy about this.

"Kendra you can come sit in my spot since this is your first trip off world." Teyla suggested kindly

"Oh I'm fine where I am." Kendra said softly

"It will be easier if you were here." Teyla suggested as she saw the pale complection of the other woman.

Without another word Teyla got up and switched seats with a reluctant Kendra. Kendra didn't dare look in john's direction.

"You're not going to throw up on my again are you?" he joked softly so that only she heard he knew she did because he saw her blush a deep color of red.

"I might." she said trying to ignore the fact that being this close to him brought back memories she thought were long buried.

Once on the other side of the gate Kendra felt surprisingly better. They landed and she waited until everyone was off before she got off. It was her way of not accidently bumping into John. As she walked off the jumper she noticed that only Teyla was there.

"Where did everyone go?" she asked

"Oh, they went to see if they could find some villagers I said I would stay with you since you are not use to being off world." Teyla stated as she smiled at her

"You didn't have to." Kendra said feeling awkward around Teyla now.

"I know, but this will also give us a chance to talk." Teyla said as Kendra sat next to her on a log" I know about your past with John. I am okay with it. I am just glad that we are close to each other and this is not an awkward situation for neither of us.

"Yeah mainly since we work together." Kendra said as she felt this sharp pain and then nothing as she hit the ground.

Teyla started shooting at the men that approached them guard Kendra with her body until she too was hit with a stunner and fell unconscious to the hard unforgiving ground.

"Get the two women, well find the men." a man's voice said as his followers picked Teyla and Kendra up off the ground.

Ronon, John and McKay were searching for any villagers. Because Kendra had taken so long to get off the jumper Teyla offered to wait with her until they came back. They had managed to find a village, but before they could say anything they were shot at.

"At ease!" an all to familiar voice said causing the people to stop shooting.

"What the hell?" John said surprised at who he saw standing before them.

"Oh this can't be good." Rodney said

"I thought he was dead?" Ronon stated

"Me too." John said wondering how in the hell Koyla survived when he had shot him dead.

"I'll tell the story about me surviving some other time." Koyla stated" Right now Col. Sheppard you have a choice to make."

As he said this Teyla and Kendra both were brought before them both women tied up." Who's life do you save first?" As he said this he dropped an unconscious Kendra to the ground holding a gun to her as one of his men held a gun to Teyla." I'd chose wisely Col. Sheppard as one of these beautiful women must die. The choice you have to make is which one?"

"Let them go it's me you want not them." John demanded as he heard stunners being shot cause both Ronon and McKay to drop to the ground.

"Ah, see that's where you're wrong." Koyla said" I want you dead, but to do that one of your people must sacrifice their life."

John looked at Teyla then at Kendra who was still unconscious. This was not a choice he could make. He had to stall for time.

"The longer you take the shorter my patients get." Koyla said getting impatient.

One minute John was faced with an impossible choice the next Koyla was laying on the ground dead with Kendra holding a the smoking gun. He hadn't realized she was untied nor had he expected her to jump to her feet and aim at the guy that was holding Teyla.

"Let her go or I swear I'll kill you." Kendra vowed as she gave the man a deadly glare." I don't like being knocked unconscious nor do I like it when men hold women against their will." as she said this the man shoved Teyla forward into Kendra knocking both women to the ground.


	7. A Break Up Leads To A Make Up

_**A/N:**__ Thanks for all the great reviews. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update because I'm moving into a new place soon. At least that's what I'm hoping. Anyhow so enjoy the rest._

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Seven**

After the incident with Koyla Kendra pretty much stayed away from John. He wasn't sure if she had heard Koyla and worried about what his choice would've been or if she just did it because she felt to guilty about her feelings. All he did know was that he hadn't seen her in a week and it made him feel like he had lost something special to him. He and Teyla were supposed to spar today, but Teyla was late which wasn't like her at all. Just when he would've went looking for her she came in. He could tell by the look on her beautiful face that something was not right.

"Hey." he said softly as she came into the room.

"We need to talk." Teyla stated softly

"Are you okay?" He asked as they walked over to some near by benches to sit.

"I am fine." she said as she sat down.

Teyla sighed deeply this was going to be harder than she thought. She loved him, but she had felt him slipping away from for a long time now. She didn't know if he was staying with her out of some obligation or if he just didn't want to hurt her, but she had long since felt his love slip away from her. It was time they talked.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, but he already had an idea of what she wanted to talk about.

"You do not feel the same for me that you once did." She started softly

"Of course I do." it was an automatic answer and he knew it.

"John." Teyla said gently" You and I both know that this has not been right for either of us and I do not think it ever will."

John sat there looking at her. _She's giving me a way out. _

"I can see how much you still care for Kendra rather you say it or not it is still in your eyes." Teyla hoped her strength held until she was out of his sight. It hurt her to do this, but it hurt even more to stay where he did not want her.

"Teyla." John started, but knew she spoke the truth. He still loved Kendra and as much as he loved Teyla he could not help how he felt toward Kendra.

"I still care very deeply for you and I know on some level you still care for me, but it is not the same anymore." she said as she leaned toward him and placed a soft kiss on his lips." I will still stay here and work with you, but I am moving back to my room immediately." she stood up and left him sitting in the room alone.

_If this was what I wanted why does it hurt so much? _

He was still sitting on the benches when Kendra walked in. Their eyes met and it was all he could not to jump her the moment she walked in. She turned to leave, but he spoke up.

"She broke up with me." John stated

Kendra's heart did a little flip flop as she stood frozen in her spot. _He was free_

"I'm sorry John." was all she could say

"Yeah me too." he said as he got up and walked toward her

"No," she held out her hand pressing it against his chest as she held him at arms length." I won't be the girl you have for tonight to keep you warm because the one you want left you."

"Is that what you think?" he asked taken aback by her statement." Teyla left me because she can see how I still _feel_ toward _you._" he looked deep into her eyes.

"I can't let you back into my heart." she stated as she felt like she was about to break down.

"I can't get you out of mine." he said as he took her hand that was holding him away from her and used it to pull her closer to him.

"You walked away from me five years ago to come here." she said trying to ignore the need she felt for him as her body collided with his.

"Because it was unfair of me to ask you to wait for me." he said as he leaned toward her

"I would've waited." she whispered just as his lips came down on hers.

"I know." he said as he deepened the kiss.

She let go of all her concerns and just enjoyed the feel of his lips against hers. The way his tongue felt against hers. His hands touched every part of her body. This was her home. She'd missed this. She'd missed him. Everything. When he pushed her against the wall she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist as he lifted her up so he could kiss her more. He pulled back enough to look into her eyes. He saw his own feelings mirrored in the depths.

"I can't let you go." he said to her as he searched her eyes for some sort of answer.

"You don't have to." she stated softly

"I need you." he said

"I need you too." she said

"I was an idiot for letting you go." he said as he let her slid down his body so that she knew fully that it was her he needed." I thought I was doing the right thing."

"I know." she whispered not really wanting to hear the story again

"I've got to go to work." he said reluctantly

"So, do I.." she said

He groaned and kissed her passionately once again before he walked out the door. Kendra wasn't sure if all this was a dream or not, but she was afraid to breath for fear she'd wake up and it all would be over. The reality came crashing down. She couldn't get mixed up with John again. She couldn't allow him to get that close to her once again. What if something else came up and he chose that over their love. She wasn't sure she could take losing him a second time. She didn't have anymore tears to cry for John Sheppard.


	8. Confessions And Lies

**A/N:**_ Sorry it's been so long RL got in the way. Thanks for all the reviews. I enjoy the fact that you all enjoy my story. Thanks again. I hope this was worth the wait_

**Disclaimer:**_** No I still don't anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Eight**

In the weeks that followed John and Teyla's split up found Kendra doing her best not to be alone with him. She didn't want to be the rebound girl or be seen as the other woman. It was called self protection something Kendra had to learn the hard way to do. She was sitting with Dr. Keller and some nurses in the mess hall when she saw John. Even though it was a big place she couldn't help, but think that maybe he was looking for her. Their eyes met briefly and she felt her heart beat speed up just a little more. Instead of walking over to her he walked past her barely saying hey. She had to admit it stung her pride for him to do that. She dropped her gaze to her food and started eating. She was thinking of the piece of meat as John so she stabbed at it repeatedly.

"I think it might be dead." Dr. Keller's voice broke through her thoughts

"Yeah, me too." she said thinking of more than the meat.

"Is something wrong?" Dr. Keller asked as Kendra shoved her food aside

"Yeah, men." she stated with a sigh

"Oh," she said not knowing if she should ask more or just let her say something if she needed to.

"I think I'm going to become a lesbian." Kendra stated causing Dr. Keller to laugh

"Yeah I've said that one before." she stated with a laugh

"Honey we all have." a red headed nurse said

"Men are like or like some sort of food you get too much of them and you get tired of them you get to little you hunger for them." a blonde nurse added

"Well, I say this man is like that tempting chocolate when you're on a diet." Kendra stated softly" You know you'll hate yourself in the morning and he's no good for you."

"But you can't help yourself when you're around him." Dr. Keller added for her

"Yeah." Kendra said as Nalani walked up to her

"Hey I was going to tell you that Ronon's going off world and he may not be back tonight you feel like a girl's night in?" she questioned

"The last time that happened you passed out on me and I ended up walking back to my room drunk off my ass." Kendra said with a smile

"Hey you know what that sounds like a good idea we should all do that." Dr. Keller suggested

"Why the hell not." the red headed nurse piped in

"Right then it's settled we're officially having a girl's night in." Nalani said with a smile as she went to sit with Ronon.

"She's plotting something." Kendra mused softly

"Why do you say that?" Dr. Keller questioned softly

"Because I've known her since high school I can tell." she stated as she got up to put her tray, but when she would've left she stepped in something that caused her to fall to the ground.

"Oh, my god are you okay?" Nalani shouted as she ran to her best friend's side.

Kendra didn't move from her spot laying flat on her back with her eyes closed.

"Kendra did you get hurt?" Dr. Keller asked going into doctor mode

"Only my pride." Kendra stated softly as she felt her cheeks burn.

"Here let me help you up." Nalani said

"Owe." Kendra hissed as pain shot through her

"I should examine you just to be sure." Dr. Keller suggested

"No, I'm fine really." Kendra said as she got back on her feet.

"I guess you really do need a girl's night in." Nalani stated with a laugh

"Damn right I do." Kendra stated as she walked out

A girl's night in sounded great only this time she'd stay put. She was not going to run the risk of running into John while she was drunk, but if Ronon was going to be off world all night then so would he. After she went to finish up some work she met Nalani at her room. When they walked in the rest of the girl's met them. They had enough beer and liquor between them all to start a small bar. They talked about life back home and drank. Kendra chose to walk outside of Nalani's room across to a balcony. She sat on the floor with one leg hanging off the side. She sighed as she spotted a couple below looking happy and in love. She'd give everything just to forget the past five years and be able to let John back in her life. He'd been her first and she thought he was going to be her only, but then he broke her heart. Yeah she had been with others, but no one compared to him. She was even in a relationship for a bout year even he didn't make her stop loving John. The feel of a hand on her shoulder brought her back her eyes flew up to meet John's. She laughed at the irony.

"Why is it that I always seem to find you when I'm drunk?" she smiled as she laughed

" Maybe because you shouldn't drink so much." he stated as he sat next to her.

"I have not drank nearly enough tonight." she said still nursing her fourth beer. Truth was she wasn't no where near to being drunk.

"Good." he said

"I thought you went off world." she said

"No, Ronon and Teyla went on trade mission." he said as she looked away from him. He wanted to touch her face, but he knew she needed space." I know I deserve all you anger and hate, but I have to know are you ever going to stop hating me long enough to see I still love you?" her eyes met his and she saw the truth that lay in their depths.

"I don't hate you." she stated with a soft smile" I never could. God knows I've tried."

"Then why don't you understand anything I've been trying to tell you?" he asked as his eyes met hers

"I do understand more than you know." she said softly" But I can't give you my heart."

"Can't you at least try I promise this time I'll be gentle with it." he stated

"John there's someone waiting for me back home and I can't do to him what you did to me." she said softly

"Oh." he said hurt that someone else was with her" You could've said something."

"When?" she asked

"Oh I don't know like before you kissed me or let me touch you." he said accusingly

"You were still with Teyla and you kissed me back." her eyes flared with anger" In fact I remember telling you to stop."

"Yeah, well you didn't fight me to hard." he said as they both got to their feet.

"You're right I didn't, but now I'm telling that it all stops now." she said as she went back inside to the rest of the girls.

John cursed as he went back to his room. How could she let someone else lay where he use to lay. Then again how could expect her to wait five year for him.


	9. A Lover Never Forgets

_**Disclaimer: I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Nine**

After her startling confession John and Kendra avoided each other like the plague. Kendra was sitting on one of the benches near the gate room waiting Nalani. She was looking over some files to past the time. She heard Nalani before she saw her.

"What the hell did you say to John the other night?" Kendra brought her eyes up to meet those of her best friend.

"The only thing I could say." she stated

"Well, you should know that I told him it was a lie." Nalani informed a shocked Kendra

"What?" she questioned" Why would you do that?"

"Because it's time you stop holding on to the past and embrace the here and now. I know he hurt you and you can't trust him, but maybe you just need to have sex with him to get him out of your system." Nalani suggested

"Nalani !" Kendra exclaimed

"What it's been five years stop punishing him and yourself for something he though he had to do." Nalani stated

"I don't know." Kendra said

"Well, you were with him for three years he must have been doing something right." Nalani said

"I can't just have sex with him and be done with it." she said although the thought did tempt her.

"Why not men do it all the time?" she questioned

"If I say you're right can we move on and forget about it?" she questioned

"Only if you're serious because I am." she said

"Fine I'll consider it." she said

"That's my girl." she said" Look I gotta go, but I expect you to tell me details." with that she walked off.

Kendra was heading back to her room when she saw John coming down the same corridor. Their eyes met for a moment and they seemed to meet in the middle.

"I'm sorry about everything." she said to him

"So am I." he said

"Can we just start over." she suggested

"Sure." he said

Kendra stood there caught between what Nalani had suggested and her own fear. _What if I can't get him out of my system? _

"So, where you going to turn in for the night?" she asked not sure why she did though

"No, I was going to the sparring room I need to work off some stress." he said

"Yeah I could use a good work out too." she said as her eyes met his and smiled

"We both could." he said as he felt the urge to kiss her, but he wasn't sure if she would run away again.

Kendra didn't say anything as she closed the slight distance between them and kissed him on the lips. John responded almost immediately. Their tongues met in a wild dance. John pulled back from her as he looked deep into her eyes.

"Kendra." he whispered softly his breath caressing her lips.

"Shh." she said her breath touching his lips as she pulled him toward her.

John pushed her back against her door and waved the door open. Before they could fall in he lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to her bed. He didn't want her to run away this time. He wanted to enjoy this moment for however long it lasted. He was done with the cold showers that never helped. Done with the sleepless nights because he wanted her. Tonight he was going to have her. He wasn't going to let her like he did five years ago. He'd been through a lot. He'd seen too many lives taken before their time. Life was to short not to share it with someone you loved. She made him feel alive. He felt her hands tug at his shirt and broke the kiss long enough to allow her to life it off him. He didn't immediately go back to kissing her instead he removed her shirt and bra as he kissed. Licked. Rubbed and sucked each of her nipples into hard little nubs. God, how he had missed the sounds of her moans. Like she was doing now. His body burned with need for her. He brought his lips back to hers in a searing kiss. Both of them fought to get the rest of their clothing off. Once completely naked she pulled him close to her guiding him deep inside her. This was coming home for both of them. This was what made everything else worth it. Her nails dug into his back. His lips found every kissable spot on her body. He couldn't get enough of her. Kendra was lost the moment his lips touched hers. She would never get enough of him. Nor would she ever get him out of her system. She was still head over heels in love with just as much as she was five years ago.

"I can't ever let you go again." John whispered as he laid next to her.

"I don't think I could ever let you, let me go again." she stated as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You've always been my home." he said softly into her hair.

"You're going to make me cry." she said as she felt her heart swell with love that only belonged to him.

"I've made you cry enough." he said as he kissed the top of her head.

"You know this started because of Nalani." she said softly

"How did she start this?" he smiled

"Well, she told me to have sex with you to get you out of my system." she said softly

"Did it work?" he asked as he almost held his breath

"No." she said as she turned toward him" I still need you."

"Well, it would be rude of me to leave you in your time of need." he said as they kissed.


	10. An Injury Leads To Fainting

_**Disclaimer: Nope still don't own anyone or thing from SGA**_

**Chapter Ten**

Kendra was having this wonderful dream about John and a beautiful meadow. He was so close to her she could feel his breath on his skin. Yet when he spoke her name it sounded far away and like he was calling to her. Slowly she woke up realizing that John was actually calling her name. He gently touched her bare should her eyes opened reluctantly as she smiled at him.

"I was having this amazing dream about you." her voice was heavy with sleep.

"Well, I wish you could go back to sleep, but something's happened and you need to know." he said in a serious tone.

She sat up with the sheet pulled around her.

"What is it?" she asked almost afraid that he would leave her again.

"It's Nalani." his voice was so soft she almost didn't hear what he said

"Nalani?" she questioned

"Yes, she's been hurt in an off world accident." he saw the fear in her eyes before she said anything.

"Oh my god is she here?" Kendra questioned as she got up and began putting her clothes on. Her heart was beating so fast and she was so scared that she was about to lose her best friend she felt like she was about to pass out.

"Yes, Dr. Keller's with her now." He told her

"I need to be with her." she said as she headed for the door, but John stopped her as he grabbed her upper arm.

"Dr. Keller's doing all she can for her." John told her" It's bad Kendra I'm not going to lie to you."

"I can't lose her John." she said as she leaned into him and cried softly" She's my best friend."

"I know and I really didn't want to tell you, but I didn't want you to hear from someone else." he said as he rubbed her back gently soothing her.

"I don't know what I'd do without her in my life." she cried

"Hey, look at me." he said as he took her face in his hands." You're not going to lose her. She's going to be okay."

"I need to be there just in case." she said softly

"Alright I'll bring you there." he said as they walked out

As soon as they got to infirmary Kendra saw Ronon who looked like he had just been to hell and back.

"You need to be the one to work on her." he said to her

"Has Dr. Keller said anything about how she's doing?" she asked

"No, you're Nalani's best friend I trust you with her life." he said

"Dr. Keller's a great doctor, but I will go see what I can do." she said as she walked into where Dr. Keller was.

The first thing Kendra saw was Nalani laying on the table. It looked as if she'd been shot. Kendra's heart felt as if it was about to stop at any moment. She could smell her best friend's blood and for the first time in Kendra's life she felt like she was going to be sick. In all her years of being a doctor it never prepared her for watching her best friend be operated on.

"Dr. Edison you do not need to be in here." Dr. Keller said

"Dr. Keller I'd like to be here in case you may need me." she said softly

"It's unethical for you to work on someone you're close to." Dr. Keller stated

"I know that's why I'll just watch until you absolutely need to me." she said

"All right." she agreed

"Is it bad?" she asked

"Truthfully it is." Dr. Keller stated" The place where the bullet lodged at if it's removed she may never bare any children."

"Is there away you can remove it without causing permeant damage?" she asked knowing that Nalani wanted to have kids with Ronon.

"I will try." she said softly

"Try really hard, because she wants Ronon's kids." Kendra said her voice starting to waver under the stress of her tears.

This was what every doctor feared seeing someone you know laying on an operating table and in their line of work Kendra knew this was not the first nor would it be the last time Nalani would be in here. Then a thought hit her _what if the next it's John laying on the operating table? What if there was nothing anyone could do to save him? How would I deal with that?_ She thought about this as she watched Dr. Keller remove the bullet piece by piece. It wasn't until a nurse was closing up when suddenly every thing was pitch black. Nothing seemed to matter. Not her fears for Nalani. Not even her fears about John. The blackness seemed to engulf her like an abyss. She was no longer aware of anything, but the blackness around her which seemed to be a lot. She felt light like suddenly her weight was gone. She wondered for a second if she'd been shot, but she felt no pain. Maybe she fainted. No she never fainted. She was a professional. Those sort of things never happened to professionals.

"Here put her on this." Dr. Keller stated as they lifted Kendra up onto a exam table." She'll be okay just leave her in the infirmary until she wakes up."

"What should we tell the others?" a nurse questioned

"Tell, them that Nalani is in recovery and Kendra is right next to her." Dr. Keller said as she looked at Kendra. _Poor girl has been under a lot of stress lately maybe I should give her a few days off? _She wonder as she looked at her college


	11. Baby Talk

_**A/N:**__ Well, when I first attempted to post this some how it got erased out of my computer. Anyhow I'm glad you guys are enjoying this story I was a little unsure because there's a lot of shippers and I wasn't sure if anyone would like John breaking up with Teyla for another woman. I read all kinds of stories and I have to admit I'm a shipper fan too. A nywho enjoy the rest of this story._

_**Disclaimer:**__** I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Eleven**

Kendra woke up to the sound of voices. One was a man shouting. One was a firm voice of a woman. She was still a little out of it so she couldn't tell who they were. After a second she realized the shouting voice came from John and the other voice was Dr. Keller. Her eyes opened to bright light and she closed them as she groaned.

"Kendra are you okay?" John asked as he rushed to her side

"I think so." she said softly" What happened?"

"You fainted." Dr. Keller said

"No, I never faint. I'm a professional I don't faint." she stated as her eyes met Dr. Keller's

"Well, you did." she stated

"Um, okay. How's Nalani?" she asked concerned.

"She's in recovery with Ronon." Dr. Keller stated" She's going to be fine."

"What about her having kids?" she asked as John reached for her hand

"If she chooses to have them she will be able to." She told her

"Thank god." she said softly as she looked at John." You look like hell are you okay?"

"Yeah, well two women under my command ended up in the infirmary one of them was badly injured the other well fell asleep." he said to her his eyes locking with hers for a moment.

"Kendra I need to ask some questions that would better help me understand why you fainted." Dr. Keller stated as she looked at Sheppard

"Right, I'm going to check on Ronon." he said as he stood up and left.

"I'm not pregnant." Kendra stated before Dr. Keller opened her mouth.

"Are you sure?" she asked

"Yes, I'm on the pill and well I haven't had sex in like a month up until last night." she stated shyly

"Okay then, how about your eating habits?" Dr. Keller questioned

"I eat plenty of greens, fruit and all sorts of healthy stuff." she replied

"All right." Dr. Keller said as she paused then look at her" How about your work life?"

"What do you mean?" she asked curiously

"Are too stressed out? Are you not getting enough sleep?" she questioned

"I get about as much sleep as anyone else around here does and as for stress with work it's normal, but lately I've gained unwanted and unneeded stress." she thought about her and John. Koyla. Teyla. Nalani. All sorts of lovely stress.

"You need to de stress your life." she told her firmly" If not you're no good to me or anyone else especially if you're going to keep fainting on the floor."

"I know and I'm trying it's just hard." she told her

"Take up yoga. Talk to Dr. Heightmeyer." she suggested

"I don't do well with talking my feelings out." Kendra stated

"Teyla teaches a yoga class every morning you should go." Dr. Keller said

"I don't think I'd do good in there." she said not wanting to take the class for several reason one being that she was now with John who just recently got dumped by Teyla.

"Look, I'm giving you the next few days off. You've gotta de stress your life or the next to faint it could because of a heart attack." She stated firmly

"Alright, I'll lighten my work load a little." she said as she got off the exam table and left.

She went to check on Nalani, but saw Ronon laying next to her in her recovery bed. She was touched at how much this man loved her best friend._ Was it possible to love one person so much that their life became yours?_ She pondered this as she turned and left the happy couple alone to wondered around Atlantis aimlessly. She happened to see John coming out of the sparring room. She smiled now he could relax her in ways that no talking or yoga could. His eyes came up to meet hers as he walked toward her.

"Are you okay?" he asked concerned

"Yeah, just too much stress." she said

"Is that all?" he asked

"I'm not pregnant." she stated putting his concerns at ease.

"I can't say I'm disappointed because I just got you back and I'm not ready to share you with anyone else just yet." he said as he placed his arms loosely around her waist

"I'm not ready to share myself with anyone else yet." she stated as she leaned into his embrace

"You know I would've stood by you if you were." he said as they started walking down the corridor.

"I know." she said her head leaned against his arm as they stopped in front of his room.

"I should get some rest." he said

"Yeah, me too." she said as he opened his door she turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm

"That was an invitation for you to join me." he said as he pulled her inside

"I was hoping it was." she said as the doors closed.


	12. A Secret Told

_**A/N: Sorry it's taking so long to put these chapters up, but I finally have my own place now! Also I don't have internet service in my new place right now. It'll be about a month or two before I can get it. So, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter.**_

_**Disclaimer: **__**I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Twelve**

Kendra couldn't believe how much she really had missed John in her life. She woke up in his bed like she did every morning only this time she woke up before he did. She carefully got up putting her clothes on. She turned to see him on last time and couldn't help, but to lean over and kiss him before she left. People talked enough, but to see her coming out of his room it would be relentless. Just as her lips pressed against his cheek she went to move away, but his arm shot out and grabbed her so fast she barely had time to react. Before she knew it she was laying on top of him looking down into his face.

"You're leaving?" he questioned his voice sounding harsh from sleep.

Kendra had to admit he looked so damn sexy when he first got up she almost forgot to say something.

"I have to." she replied softly as his hand still held her wrist

"No, you don't." he said as he used his hold on her to pull her closer to him.

"I've got work." she protested as weakly

"She gave you a few days off." he told her not dissuaded from his intent.

"Really people will talk." she stated as she felt herself get excited.

"So, let them." he said his breath tickling her cheeks.

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"You're impossible." she whispered as his lips barely brushed hers

"Yet, you're still here." he said as he kissed her fully

It didn't take long for Kendra to be out of her clothes again. John's hands moved over her body like a sculptor. His touches were so light, and pleasing Kendra thought she might actually die from the sheer pleasure of just his touching. His lips moved from her lips to her neck kissing a trail to her breast. He took her right nipple into his mouth sucking. Licking it until it puckered up. He could hear her soft moans and it drove him more. He was so turned on by her that he couldn't wait much long for her. He positioned his self between her legs, but she stopped him just before he would've entered her.

"I haven't taken my pill this morning." her breathing was heavy and she knew she probably should've said something before this moment, but she was so caught up in the moment that she almost forgot.

"Would it matter if you got pregnant?" John asked curiously

"Well, I'd have to go home permeantly. My career would be over except for desk work or something that kept me home." she stated softly" It would mean that we'd have an unbreakable bond between us." their eyes locked for a long moment.

"I wouldn't mind the bond." he said softly wondering what it would be like to have children with her.

"John, do you want to have babies with me?" she asked curiously as to why all of a sudden he was talking about having babies.

He rolled off of her and reached for a condom before he rolled back to her.

"Not today." he said as he handed her the condom

She smiled at him as she placed it on him. It had barely gotten on before he shoved her back against the bed and entered her. She wrapped her legs around him pulling him deeper inside her as she kissed him feverishly. His hands had an almost painful grip on her hips as he drove her further and further over the edge until she screamed out his name. Kendra saw tiny stars explode into bigger ones as she reached for a place that only John could take her to. She vaguely heard him express his own orgasm. When she finally came back down she smiled at him as he moved to the side of her pulling her tightly against him. He kissed her shoulder as she snuggled into his warm embrace.

"When did you think about having babies?" she asked him

"I don't know." he said" I guess I've always thought about it, but you were so caught up in your work that it was never a good time to say anything."

"Yeah, and then with you coming here it wouldn't have been good." she said with a touch of sadness in her voice

"I'm glad we've been able to move past that." He said softly

"John there's something you should know." she said as she turned to face him tears burned the backs of her eyes.

"What is it?" he asked

"I got pregnant when we were together." she said softly as she chewed her bottom lip.

John was quite as she continued

"The day you left for Atlantis I was going to tell you, but I couldn't." She searched his eyes" I lost the baby about a month later. I blamed you for it or at least that's what I kept telling myself."

There was nothing that John could say at the moment. All he could do was pull her to him. They actually got pregnant. If he had known he would've stayed with her. He felt her tears slid onto his bare skin. She went through it all alone. He vowed to always be there for her. Things were going to be different for them both. Truth was he did want a family with her, but she was right if that happened she'd be required to go home and he'd have to stay here. He didn't want to be away from her or their child.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." he whispered into her hair

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." she said to him

"We have the rest of our lives to talk about babies." he said to her as he held her close him a little longer.


	13. Surprise We're PREGNANT

**A/N:**_ Sorry It's been like forever since I last updated, but things are busy for me. The new place didn't work out so well, so I'm back at my mom's for now. Yeah very cramped with baby and honey. Anyhow I hope you guys like this chapter. I'm hoping to be able to add the last few ones by this weekend._

_**Disclaimer: Nope I still don't own anyone or thing from SGA**_

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Hey Kendra you ready?"Nalani asked as she peeped her head around the corner leading to Kendra's room.

"Yeah I am." Kendra said as she walked out she was feeling a little off today, but she just chalked it up to not getting enough sleep since John was gone til late and then she wanted to show him how much she missed him all day.

Suddenly the room began to spine and she felt like she was flying. Then darkness took over.

"Kendra!" Nalani yelled as she knelt down to her friend." Help me someone please my friend passed out."

"Hey, what happened?" Ronon questioned as he came over to her and lifted Kendra up into his arms.

"I don't know we were talking then she fell." she said as they went to the infirmary.

"Dr. Keller help her." Ronon said as he put Kendra on a table.

"What happened?" she asked as she examined her.

"We don't know." Ronon said softly" One minute she was fine the next she was on the ground."

"Okay I'm going to run some test on her." she said concerned about her

"You should go tell John he'd want to know." Nalani said to him her voice cautious as she was worried about Kendra.

"Yeah." he said as a thought came to mind." Sheppard this is Ronon you to get to the infirmary now, Kendra's been admitted."

'I'm on my way.' John said over the ear piece.

"What do you think could be wrong?" Nalani questioned worried

"She could be pregnant." he said as he smiled at her

"Not, Kendra." Nalani said as she thought about it. "She doesn't want to have babies right now. Her and John just got back together and she's enjoying her career.

"Why not?" he questioned as he looked at her" You are."

"Because she loves her job if she got pregnant she'd have to go home which would mean she'd have to leave John." Nalani said

"But you get to stay." Ronon said

"It's different with me because the father of my baby is not a Lt. Colonel in the united states air force." she explained to him

"Sheppard wouldn't let them make her go back." he said" Besides, with her being pregnant she won't be able to travel through the gate."

"You know we don' t even know if she is so why are we talking about it?" Nalani questioned ass he eyed him" You've thought about this for how long?"

"Because we both know it's a possibility." Ronon said to her as he kissed her forehead" The moment you got pregnant and it became real that you might have to leave."

"When did you and I change personalities?" she asked

"When you got pregnant." he said to her as John came up to them

"Tell me what happened." he demanded his heart beating so hard he thought he was going to pass out

"Kendra passed out we don't know why, but Ronon seems to think she may be pregnant." Nalani said to him

"Why?" John asked curious and worried

"Because Nalani fainted before we found out she was pregnant." he said" Not to mention that she gets sick after eating. She's moody. She sleeps in a lot."

"You know you're right she may very well be pregnant." John said as a smile slipped onto his lips. _Wow a little Kendra or me running around. They would be loved. Wait a sec what if she had twins? Okay relax you don't even know if she really is pregnant or not. She could be. _

"Or it could all be PMS." Nalani said thinking the same thing the guys were. She hoped that if Kendra was pregnant that the baby would bring joy and not extra stress. She felt the little life inside her moving around and she grabbed Ronon's hand to allow him to feel it too.

"My bet is she's pregnant." Ronon insisted

"It would be nice." John said as Dr. Keller came out" Well, how is she?"

"She's going to have to tell you that her self." Dr. Keller said as they all followed her to where Kendra was at.

Nalani was the first to go to Kendra's side.

"Hey, baby girl how are you?" she asked soothingly

"I'm shocked." she said with her eyes huge" I keep saying it can't be" tears well up in her eyes as she speaks

"About what?" John asked as he saw the tears she refused to cry

"I mean I never considered it before." she said as her eyes met John's.

"Just tell us if you're pregnant or not." Ronon growled.

"How did you know?" she asked him as John came to her side and held her hand.

"Nalani's pregnant too." Ronon said

"Oh wow that's great." Kendra said trying to think of the best for the little life inside of her. _What if I never get those maternal feelings that mother's to be get? _She wondered as she saw John's face practically glow with the anticipation of being a daddy. _He'd make a great father._

"If it's so great why are you crying?" john asked as he wiped her tear from her cheek and held her to his chest.

"I don't know." she cried as she buried her face in his chest.

"It's a hormonal thing." Ronon said to them both

"Yeah next thing you know you'll be pissed at the world." Nalani said as she rubbed her back

John was ecstatic. They were going to have a baby.


	14. Rules and Love

**A/N **:_ I know it's been like forever, but I kinda got stuck for a while. Thanks for sticking with this story for as long as you have. I'm going to do my best to get this story as well as my others done asap. Thanks again._

**Disclaimer:**_** I still don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Fourteen**

" It has come to our attention that you and Lt. Col. John Sheppard have been having inappropriate relations which have resulted in a pregnancy." This was how the conversation with Col. Caldwell started off. Kendra felt like she was going to cry and be sick all at once. _Damn pregnancy. _She thought to herself as she tried to sit there and listen to what Col. Caldwell and Elizabeth was going to say.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's inappropriate. We are in love with each other." John defended their relationship as he noticed Kendra turning pale." Are you okay?"

"No, excuse me I have to go." she stood up to leave, but Col. Caldwell's voice stopped her

"You can't just leave." he stated

"If I don't sir I will throw up on you." she spat out as she rushed out the door.

"It's the baby she or he doesn't like authority figures either." John stated hiding an amused smile

"This is no laughing matter Col. Sheppard she's a doctor here and you are head of military command it is frowned upon." Col. Caldwell stated firmly as Kendra came back in.

"Sorry," she apologized as she sat down next to John.

"As I was explaining to Col. Sheppard the SGC is not happy with your relationship." Col. Caldwell said

"It wasn't like we were hiding it." she said to him then narrowed her eyes." He was with Teyla for a while no one said anything about that and what about the two of them sharing a kiss nothing was said about that."

"This isn't about that." Elizabeth started, but Kendra interrupted

"Oh, I get it my long lost _daddy_ decided that he couldn't let his grandchild grow up without him in their life, but noy could he let his daughter." She was angry. Party hormones and partly because she knew this to be true.

"No, it's about the fact that the SGC is afraid that I might not be able to make good choices now heaven forbid something happen to my wife or baby." John stated angrily

Kendra looked at him and raised her brows he just shrugged. This disturbed her. She wasn't ready to get married. _I'm not even ready to be a mom. _She felt this surge of panic start to rise up in her chest.

"We are more then capable of taking care of our responsibilities as well as our child." she stated alittle more rougher than she wanted to.

"Your situation makes it a matter of protecting you as well as you unborn child." Col. Caldwell said to her" The SGC is requesting your immediate return to earth on our next trip back which is in a week."

"Then I'm going with her." John said softly

"You can't." Elizabeth said

"The hell I can she is carrying my child I'll be damned if I'm letting her go through this alone." He firmly stated

It was at this moment that Kendra had a moment of clarity. He would be willing to do anything for her and their baby, but was it really her that he was fighting so hard for or the fact that she carried his child? She'd never know.

"You are a Lt. Col. In the US air force you have a duty..." Col. Caldwell said, but John interrupted him

"I have a duty to her as well." he stated as Kendra got up and left.

"Look, John I'm working on getting her to stay, but you have to know someone close to her has a lot of pull with the president." Elizabeth stated

"What are you talking about?" John questioned

"She's saying that we may not have a choice in the matter, but believe me the last thing I want is to have a pregnant woman on my ship." Col. Caldwell said

"She can't go through the gate." John said to them

"We are aware of the risks." Elizabeth said

"Yet you're still willing to send her through." John said bitterly as he left to go find Kendra.

He found Kendra sitting in the gateroom on the steps. He walked over to her and sat down next to her. She looked up at him and he could see she'd been crying. He put his arm around her as she laid her head on his shoulder.

"This is how it's always going to be now." she sniffed" You're a solider and I'm a doctor who's now going to be a mom." Fresh tears fell onto his shoulder now" God, john I don't even know how to be a mom. I once killed a gold fish because I forgot to feed it what if I forget to feed this baby?"

"If she's anything like you she want let you forget to feed her." he joked" you're going to be a great mom."

" You think so?" she questioned as he brought her face up so that their eyes met each others.

"I know so." he said to her" I see how you are with these guys around here and the fact that Ronon actually talks to you is a major plus."

"He only talks to me because is with my best friend." she said to him

"Even so he wouldn't worry about you if he didn't care about you." he said to her as he kissed her

"I love you John Sheppard." she returned his kiss.


	15. First Signs Of Life

**A/N:**_ So, I know it's been a while since I last updated this story. I got writer's block and couldn't think of where I wanted to go. Then I was giving my daughter and bath and I suddenly got this beautiful idea. Anyhow I hope you guys like it._

**Disclaimer:**_** I don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Fifteen**

Due to the conflict of interest and help from Dr. Keller Kendra was able to stay on Atlantis until she had the baby. So, here she was sitting in a tub full of bubbles and for the first time since she found out she was pregnant she was happy. She was the man she loved more than her own life. Things seemed good for her. She was still apprehensive about being a mom, but she was told that it was normal. All first time mom's are scared at first. John was incredible to her. He got her this pillow for the tub that she could lean back on in the shape of a sea shell. The only thing was it was pink and she was not a pink kind of girl. She laughed softly because she knew John secretly wanted a girl.

She just wanted the baby to be healthy, but if she were absolutely honest with herself she wanted a girl too. Boys were to hard to take care of. _Boys were tough and independent. Were as our daughter would need us to be there for all through out her life. _This thought startled her. _Maybe we should have a boy. _She thought as she felt like she wasn't ready to have a little crying to her about a boy breaking her heart. She placed her hand on her stomach.

"If you are a little girl in there I swear I'll kick any guy's ass that even thinks about breaking your heart." she vowed softly as she felt the baby move for the first time.

She gasped and took her hand away.

"Can you hear me in there?" she questioned as she placed her hand on the baby again.

It moved again.

"Wow there really is a little life in there." this brought tears to her eyes, but they were happy tears." I promise I'll do anything in my power to keep you safe. Wow." she was so amazed by the fact that she had a little life growing inside of her that she didn't hear John come into the bathroom until he stood right beside her.

"Talking to yourself in here." he laughed" I think that's a sign of you being crazy."

"No, I was talking to our baby and she... or he moved." she said to him" Then I put my hand on my stomach again and they moved again. There's a little life growing in there." she took his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"Wow would you look at that they're letting us know that they're there." he smiled as he leaned over and kissed her" What do you say about making room for me in there?"

"You think it's okay for us to..." she looked him in the eyes" I mean it's moving around in there what if it falls out or something." this made John laugh.

"You're a doctor and you're asking me about if it's okay for us to have sex while our baby's growing inside of you." he took his clothes off as he got in the tub behind her." We won't have sex we'll just bath or sit here if it's okay with you."

"Yeah it's great." she said still smiling at the thought of having a John's baby." Just think four short months we're going to be a family."

"I'm just sorry you can't stay after the baby's born." he said as she leaned back against him resting her head on his shoulder.

"We'll think of something." she said softly" For now I'm enjoying this moment. You after our little angel's born we won't have many of these moments."

"I know." he said as he rubbed her stomach" I can't wait to see our baby."

"Oh, Dr. Keller's doing an ultra sound tomorrow morning do you have to go off world?" she asked

"Not that I know of." he said as their baby moved again." I think our baby's happy that we're going to be a family."

"I think so too." she said then a thought occurred to her." John I don't won't to get married right now."

"Um, okay I'm not sure when I proposed, but I agree with you about not getting married right now." he said as he placed his cheek against hers." Let's get use to being parents first."

"Yeah, wow we're going to need so much stuff." she said softly

"Yeah I know." he said" You know most women have a baby shower about their eighth month." he told her

"I don't know about having other people buy what we need for our baby." she said to him

"I don't think they mind." he said to his breath whispered in to her ear

She didn't say anything she just smiled and sat back against him.

"You know if we stay in here any longer we're both going to have old people's skin." John said as he noticed their skin wrinkling up.

"We should get out." she said as they both stood up.

John grabbed a big towel near by and wrapped it around Kendra.

" You know I get to take care of you now." he said to her as he lifted her up in his arms.

"Yeah well, give me another few months and you won't be able to lift me up." she laughed as he placed her wet on the bed.

"Then I'll just have to lift more weights to get bigger." he teased as he kissed her.

"You do realize you placed me soaking wet on the bed?" she questioned as he kissed her

"Yeah, I like you all wet." he said as he kissed her deeply.


	16. Not one, But Two Babies

**A/N:**_ I thought I had posted this a week ago, butit didn't go through for some reason. So, here's the chapter you were supposed to get last week.  
_

**Disclaimer:**_** I don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Sixteen**

"Dr. Edison a word with you for a moment." Col. Caldwell said as he caught up to her in the hallway leading to the infirmary.

"Col Caldwell I'm really tired and frankly not interested in your protocol or anything else." Kendra stated bitterly

"Well, I just thought you should know that due to fact that you're not the only earth woman pregnant here and Gen. O'Neill speaking on both yours and Nalani's behalf you'll be able to raise your baby here for as long as Col. Sheppard is here." He said to her as she paused in her walk and looked at him.

"That's great I'm glad Jack spoke on our behalf." she said softly

"Yeah, off the record I think you're good for Col. Sheppard." he confessed to her as she eyed him suspiciously." Oh, don't get me wrong I don't think he deserves you and I don't approve relationship, but to have a pregnant woman here waiting for him is better than him being single and sleeping around. You've made him more responsible that's good for him." with that said he walks off leaving Kendra to stare at his retreating back.

Kendra didn't know how she was supposed to take what Caldwell said. She just shook her head and went in to see Dr. Keller. Today was her first ultra sound and John said he'd be here for this. He had some last minute mission to do, but he'd be back in time for this. She was excited because they'd finally see their baby today.

"Hey, Kendra is Col. Sheppard going to be here today?" Keller asked as she handed her a gown to put on.

"Yeah, he had something to do off world, but he said he'd make it in time for this." Kendra said softly

"Well, we could wait for him if you want to?" Keller suggested

"I'd like that a lot thanks." Kendra said softly

"Oh, don't worry about it. I know how it is to have a man that works in the military." she said softly as she prepared everything for Kendra.

"Will we get to see the sex of the baby?" Kendra asked softly

" Um, if the baby is in the right position you might." she said softly

"I'm scared about being a mother is that normal?" Kendra asked

"Yes, it's perfectly normal." she reassured her gently

"That's great. I felt the baby move for the first time last night." she said softly" I was in the tub talking to it and suddenly I felt this flutter like a butterfly's wings just brushed the inside of my stomach."

"Did you have bubbles in this bath?" Keller asked

"I know, know I'm not supposed to, but I've been feeling pretty down and it was just last night." Kendra said sheepishly

"I'll give it to you just this once." Keller said softly

"When I first found out I was terrified." she confessed softly

"I'd be surprised if you weren't." she said" How does Col. Sheppard feel about it?"

"Oh, he's excited." she said with a grin" He's planning on it being a girl so, he has this plan for any boy that hits on her or breaks her heart." the two women laughed at this.

John walked in to see them laughing and proceeded with caution

"Well, is this a plotting against men laughter or baby laughter?" he questioned as he walked up to Kendra and kissed her forehead.

"You're late." Kendra said softly

"Sorry Ronon and McKay argued the whole time we were there and then we got shot at." he said

"You tell Ronon if you get shot and can't be there when our baby's born that he'll be holding my hand while I'm screaming at him." she told him

"I'll be sure to pass on the message." John said as he kissed her gently

"You could've shower before coming here." Kendra said with a smile

"Then I would've been more late." he said as she laid on the table.

"Okay here's the head." Keller pointed out to them" Oh, look they're waving at us."

"Oh, John do you see that?" Kendra asked as a tear fell down her cheek.

"Hey, you're not supposed to cry." John said as he wiped it away.

"Oh, whoa." Keller said surprised as both John and Kendra looked at her

"What?" the both asked

"Um, it's not just one baby." Keller smiled at them" Congratulations you're having twins."

"Twins?!" They both asked in shock

"Yes, twins." she repeated" You wanted to know the sex right?"

"Kendra?" John asked

"Oh, sorry I'm still trying to comprehend twins." she said nervously she places her hand on her stomach" Wow you two really know how to make mommy nervous. So, not only is there one, but two of you growing there."

"We'll do this together." John said to her

"Can you see what they are?" Kendra asked feeling less nervous

"Yeah, it looks like you have a boy to your left and a girl to your right." she said to them" Everything looks great with them both I do want to see you back in here a week for now."

"I'll be sure to be here on time." John said as he held Kendra's hand to his lips.

"Here you go." Keller handed them several pictures of their babies." You need plenty of rest and relax."

"I'll make sure she does." John said to her as he helped Kendra down.

As they made their way to their room Kendra looked down at the photos she held in her hands. At that moment this became so real for her. Two beautiful little Angels gave up their wings to be her children. She vowed to be the mother they needed her to be.

"Can you believe it John two babies in there." Kendra said as they walked into their room.

"I know. Are you okay?" he asked as he walked over to her.

"I'm better than okay I'm happy." she said as he swooped her up in his arms.

She laughed as he placed her on the bed.

"Since there's two babies in there then shouldn't have twice the sex." John said as he rubbed her feet.

"Yeah we should." she said to him as she laid back and John leaned over her.

"You don't think I'll squash the little ones if I'm on top do you?" John worried as he touched her stomach.

"Well, if it's bothers you I could be on top." she said as she switched positions

"I like it when you're on top." he said to her as they kissed passionately.


	17. Too Soon

**A/N:**_ Well, I thought today would be a perfect day to update. I was hoping to have this done by this weekend, but everyone got sick over here which I'm still fighting off. Anyhow I'm looking forward to SGA tonight!. So, I thought in celebration I'd put this up. Enjoy._

**Disclaimer:**_** I don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Seventeen**

The next few months brought Kendra to the end of her sixth month. The babies were moving around a lot more, but they also would not move for a while. She had started having contractions today, but they weren't real. They were what is called 'false labor.' John was so excited about being a daddy. Kendra had to admit she her self was loving the idea of being a mom. She had names picked out already, but they wanted to wait until the babies were born before they said any names out loud.. Nalani had just given birth to Ronon's daughter and she was beautiful. Motherhood suited Nalani. _Well Ronon suited her too._

She was walking down a flight of stairs heading toward the gate room to greet John when he came home when suddenly she fell. Her hands flew out to grabbed anything to steady herself, but her hands grabbed only air. She felt the first step hit into her side and then she rolled. By the time she reached the bottom step she was unconscious. Her last thought was protecting her babies. Footsteps followed the stairs she fell down. Someone knelt down to her side placing their fingers on her throat. Then she barely heard Zelenka's frantic voice.

"Oh my god get medical here now!" Zelenka's voice yelled into his comm link. He saw her fall and immediately came to her.

'Zelenka what happened? Where are you?' Mckay asked

"I'm with Kendra in level three she's had an accident." he said as he felt for a pulse." She's got a head injury."

'What kind of accident?' Sheppard's frantic voice could be heard. It sounded as though he was running down some stairs his self.

"She fell down some stairs." Zelenka said as Dr. Keller came up to them.

"Oh my count." she said " One. Two. Three."

"Is she going to be okay?" John was out of breath by the time he reached her his heart pounding hard in his chest.

"We won't know until we check her out." Keller said

John and his team had just came through the gate when they heard Zelenka's frantic call for help. The minute he heard that it was Kendra he sprinted off to them. _Why couldn't we just have a normal day with nothing big or life threatening happening to us?_ He wonder to his self as he followed them to the infirmary. Dr. Keller was running test and cleaning her wound. John felt helpless as he watched the mother of his unborn children as well as his children fight for their lives. He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Ronon he didn't even have to look up to see. Then he felt Nalani's arms go around his neck. Her lips brushed his cheek as she whispered something he didn't hear.

"She's waking up." Dr. Keller said

"Owe, oh my god it hurts!" Kendra's screams filled the room as John went to her side.

"What's happening?" John asked concerned creasing his forehead.

"She's in labor." Keller said softly

"No, no I can't be." Kendra cried as she held her stomach" It's too soon."

"It's okay I'm here for you." he said to trying to calm her down while fighting his urge to cry.

"I should've been watching where I was going." she cried into his shoulder as he held her to him.

"We're going to give you something to stop the labor." Keller said to her softly" You're going to be fine."

"Our babies?" Kendra asked tears streaming down her face.

"We're doing all we can." Keller's voice was low as she tried to reassure Kendra and calm her own fears.

"I know that tone." Kendra said as another contraction took over her body." I'm a doctor too. We say that when we're worried."

"Hey, it's okay just calm down." John soothed her while trying to calm his own fears.

Kendra cried as she buried her face into his shoulder. Her tears soaked through his shirt. His hand rubbed her back gently. She was mumbling incoherent things inside of his shirt as she cried. He felt helpless because there was nothing he could to make this go away. After what seemed like forever Keller came back to them. Just when they thought the labor had stopped it came back full force. John looked up at a nearly panicked Keller as she tried to see what was going on.

"It's not working!" Kendra cried

"Kendra I know you're scared, but you've gotta try to relax." Keller said trying to calm her self down. If Kendra gave birth to these babies tonight... she wouldn't think about that right now.

"I thought you were giving her something to stop the labor." John questioned with restrained anger.

"Obviously it's not working." Keller said to him

"John don't yell at her it's not her fault." Kendra said through her tears.

John looked at Kendra who was now trying to be brave, but he could see the pain she was still in. He also saw the fear that mirrored his own.


	18. Bed Rest and Foot Rubs

**A/N:**_ Hey well, it took me long enough, but I finally finished this story. I want to thank all of you for sticking with this and reviewing. I'm glad you guys liked it. I have to admit I really enjoyed writing this story. Thank you all._

**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Eighteen**

Eight painful and scarey hours later Dr. Keller was able to stop Kendra's labor. She ordered her to stay on bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy. The fall caused the babies to be stressed and if she went back into labor they would not be able to stop it. Of course this didn't sit well with Kendra because she didn't like having to stay put. The fall scared the hell out of her. Although she would not admit it out loud. Which brought her to where she was now. She was laying in bed reading 'Oliver Twist' and John was content rubbing her swore ankles.

She looked up from her book and smiled at John. He was incredible. She had been with him for what seemed like her entire life and yet he never ceased to amaze her. Now they were about to be parents to not one, but two little miracles. She smiled as his eyes came up to meet hers. He returned her smile as he went back to rubbing her feet. _Why did we let all this time pass us by when we could've been this happy from the start? _She wondered as she went back to reading her book.

"Have you talked to Teyla?" she asked out of the blue causing John's head to snap up.

"Um, yeah we work together and still spar every afternoon." he answered" Why?"

"I was just wondering if she was really okay with us." she said softly

"Teyla has an understanding that we don't have on earth and it allows her to see things for what they are." he tried to explain to her" What me and Teyla had was fun while it lasted, but my heart doesn't belong to her it belongs to you. Always has and always will."

"It's just that you two were together then I came back into your life." she stated as she put the book down" I'd pissed if I were in her shoes."

"Well, she's not and you're not." he smiled at her as he rubbed her legs.

"I think we should fight." she said absently

"Me and you?" he questioned

"No, me and Teyla." she heard John's chuckle as he shook his head at her.

"You're pregnant." he said to her

"I'm talking about after I have the babies." she said as he moved beside her on the bed.

"No, offense, but she'd kick your ass. She kicks mine all the time." John laughed

"Yeah, she would." Kendra agreed as she snuggled into his embrace.

Neither one said anything more on the subject. Talking about Teyla made John think of her. Apart of him missed her. The part of him that thought he was in love with her. He loved Teyla, but he was never _in_ love with her. He was in love with Kendra. When he broke up with her to come here it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. It was leaving apart of his self back home.

If he had asked her to wait for him it would not have been fair to her. She had her own life to live. He still cared for Teyla and respected her as a person. He would never change in that. She helped him move on when he had to. Now he was back home where he belonged. He was going to be a father to two babies. Then it hit him.

He didn't know how to be a father. Would he be good enough? Would he always be there? He knew he would never leave his family. He would die before he let anything happen to them. He then thought about Ronon. He was a daddy now after all this time. It was time that they both settled down and be happy for once.

For however long this peacefulness would last he was going to take advantage of it. Soon his children would be here. Him and Kendra would have their family. In the back of his mind he also considered getting married some day. Although that was in the very backs of his mind because of his last marriage. He didn't believe to much in fate, but he was sure that's what brought him and Kendra back together after all this time apart. Fate had a funny way of taking charge when you least expect it to. Fate also would lead you back to arms of the one you were meant to be with.

Fate intervened when it felt it was necessary. In his and Kendra's case it was necessary. He smiled content as he rubbed her stomach. She had falling asleep the minute he wrapped his arms around her. These were the reasons why they fought so hard. For moments of joy and happiness like these. He kissed the top of her head as he closed his own eyes intent on going to sleep. He inhaled her scent as he took a deep breath.

Just sleeping next to his pregnant wife wasn't enough for him. Then it occurred to him. _Just thought of her as my wife. _He smiled more broadly at this thought. Maybe they were ready to take that step. _Wait a second we're just getting use to being parents. Not yet, but someday. _He thought to his self as he snuggled more content into her body.

Sleep evaded him for a while because of how soft and warm Kendra's body seemed next to his. All he could think about was making love to her. Of course that was out of the question since Keller put them on restriction until the babies were born. He got up and took a shower then came back to bed and fell into a peaceful slumber.


	19. A shower And Near Death Experince

**Disclaimer:**_** I don't own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Nineteen**

Kendra was getting restless having to sit in the room all day. She was bored and pretty sure she was on the verge of going insane. It had been nearly two months since her fall. Her babies were due any time now. She was getting anxious for their arrival. She couldn't wait. Last week Nalani threw her a surprise baby shower. Which was great.

She got a lot of stuff for the babies. Elizabeth informed her that she and John would be moving into a bigger room. They needed the space. John had cut back on going off world unless it was important for him to go. He trust Teyla since Ronon too had a family. Today John had to go off world to rescue Lorne's team. She missed him already. He probably wouldn't be gone long. At least she hoped not. Dr. Keller was here now examining her. As she waited patiently for Dr. Keller to get through she thought her babies. Any day now and they would be here. She'd finally get to see them. She could count their little toes and fingers. She could feel their soft skin. She could inhale a scent that was all theirs.

"We've discussed you having a cesarean are you still wanting to go through with natural birth?" Dr. Keller asked her

"Yes, I am." Kendra said

"Okay, what about your request not to have pain medications?" she asked

"I still do not want them." she told her

"All right." she said as she gathered her stuff" Have you thought about who you want to be there?"

"Yes, I have." she said as she smiled" Everyone."

"Really?" Dr. Keller asked

"Yes, this is going to be our children's birthday and I want everyone to celebrate in it." she beamed

"Um, okay." Dr. Keller couldn't help, but to smile at her.

"Oh, if anything should go wrong and a choice has to be made..." she started, but Keller cut her off.

"Don't think about that now." she said

"We have to." she told her seriously" If a choice has to be made between my life or my babies lives then I want you to choose their lives. John won't be able to choose. You have my verbal consent."

"It won't come to that." Keller insisted

"If it does." Kendra said more firmly

"I have your verbal consent and I promise I will honor it." she said reluctantly

"Thank you." she said softly as Keller walked out.

Kendra smiled content with her life as it was going to be. She meant what she said. If it came to a choice between her life and those of her unborn children she prayed Keller would honor her wishes. She lived long enough to fall in love and have a great family. She wouldn't want to face losing another child only this time it would be more than one. She didn't know if she could handle that again. She sighed as she tried to think happy thoughts. She remembered a time where she was happy.

She remembered meeting John for the first time. She was fresh out of medical school and fell for his charm the first time they met. Although she did make him work hard for her. After all she had to know his was serious. She smiled at that memory. He swept her off her feet in the middle of a pouring down rain storm. It was the greatest night of her life. John her knight in... well air force uniform.

She slowly got up to take a shower. She wanted to feel fresh and clean when John came back. As she turned the water to let it heat up she smiled to her self. She stepped into it and let the water beat down on her skin. She grabbed a bottle of shampoo to wash her hair.

Sharp pain caused her to gasp.

She ignored it as she washed her body.

More sharp pain.

She knew something wasn't right. She stepped out of the shower grabbing a towel to wrap around her. More intense pain.

"Okay babies mommy's going to get help." she cooed to her unborn babies. "Where's your daddy when I need him?"

The pain got worse and Kendra found herself passing out before she got out of the bathroom.

"I'll meet you in there after I check on Kendra." John's voice came from outside his door.

"All right cause I can't wait to kick your ass." Ronon smugly replied.

"Yeah, we'll see buddy." John said as he walked into his room only to not see Kendra in bed where she should be." Kendra?" he heard the shower running and thought she was in the shower." Honey I'm home." he walked into the bathroom and was confronted with his worst fear." Oh. My god." he saw Kendra laying on the ground unconscious then he saw the blood on the ground." This is Sheppard I need medical in my quarters now! Kendra's unconscious and bleeding." he screamed into his comm link as he felt for a pulse on Kendra. His own heart pounding hard in his chest." It's going to be okay hang in there baby."

"Sheppard it's Ronon I'm coming in." Ronon yelled as he walked into the bathroom." What happened?"

"I don't know I came in here and this was how she was." John was trying to keep it together, but fear iced his spine so cold.

"She got a pulse?" Ronon asked him trying to keep him calm.

"Yes." john said softly" Weak, but it's there."

"Dr. Col. Sheppard I'm here." Keller said as she walked in." What happened?"

"I don't know I came in and she was laying on the ground bleeding?" John said softly as he watched them pick her up.

"Come on lets move people." she said.

"This can not be happening after all we've been through." John said to Ronon as they went to the infirmary.

Once there Ronon contacted Nalani and told her what had happen. She came over after getting someone to watch baby Dex. That's what they affectionately called their baby who's real name was Kaira. Ronon and Nalani were sitting by John's side when Dr. Keller came out with a grim expression on her face. All three stood up anxious to hear what was going on.


	20. Chance and Isabella Edison Sheppard

**Disclaimer:**_** I do not own anyone or thing in SGA**_

**Chapter Twenty**

"What is it doc?" John tentatively asked as he fought the urge to yell at her.

"Col. Sheppard we have to do an emergency cesarean." Dr. Keller told him trying to remain as professional as possible.

"Then do it." he said wondering why she was standing out here telling him this when she could be in there saving his family.

"It's not that simple." she told him

"What are you not telling us?" Nalani demanded

"There's a chance that Kendra or one of her babies will not make it out of this." Keller said regrettably.

John froze.

"Kendra expressed to me that she wanted her babies saved." Keller went on to say." She losing a lot of blood and we're trying to stop the bleeding, but if we wait any long the babies will die so, will Kendra."

"You're going to do as Kendra wants so why tell us?" Ronon questioned roughly

"Because I have a duty to inform you all." Keller said as she went back in to the O.R..

"John she's going to be fine." Nalani reassured him, but it was more for her benefit then his." god wouldn't take her now." She was about to lose her best friend.

"I never believed in God." John said softly" I've seen too many innocent lives lost and too many people that should've died live, but if there really is a god up there I hope he has enough miracles to spare my family."

"He will." Nalani said softly as she felt Ronon's hand on her shoulder as she hugged John.

"I've seen to much death to believe that someone's up there saying who has the right to live and who has the right to die, but I believe Kendra is hard headed and strong enough to put up with you that she'll pull through this as well those babies of yours They are a part of both you and Kendra they're too stubborn to die." Ronon said. Although he him self was scared that Kendra and or her babies would die he had to believe they wouldn't.

It seemed like a hundred life times went by and still nothing about Kendra or the babies. Nalani was scared that she was about to lose her best friend. John was scared that he was about to lose his family. Ronon was scared that he was going to have say good bye to someone else who matter to him. He didn't express his feelings a lot, but he cared for Kendra. She was important to both John and Nalani that made her a special person in his eyes. He knew what John was going through. When Nalani had been infected with wraith DNA and on the verge of death... He couldn't think about that now.

After a while Dr. Keller came out.

"How is she?" John was the first to say anything

"She's stable." Keller said as she saw the relief fill the eyes looking at her.

"The babies?" Nalani asked

"They are doing great. She lost a lot of blood before and during the cesarean, but I see no reason why she shouldn't make it through." Keller happily told them.

"Oh my god!" Nalani exclaimed happily as she hugged Ronon.

"Can I see her?" john asked

"Yes, but at this time I'm only allowing one person." she said softly

"Go, see her." Nalani said as she smiled.

As John left to be with Kendra Nalani turned to her lover.

"I need to see Kaira." a tear fell down her cheek.

"They'll be in there a while so let's go see her." he said as he placed a hand on the small of her back his arms ached to hold his baby girl.

"She's still under the effects of the sedative so, she may not be coherent." Keller told him

"She's alive." John said to her

"Yes, she is." Keller said as John hugged her.

"Sorry, doc, but this called for a hug." he said to her as he went over to Kendra.

John sat in a chair next to her as she opened her eyes.

"Hey." she said sleepily

"Hey yourself." he said" You scared the hell out of me."

"I scared the hell out of myself." she smiled softly" Where's our babies?"

"The doc's cleaning them up then she'll bring them over here to us." John said to her.

"What do you think we should name them?" she asked softly

" Chance and Isabella." he smiled at her

"Those are prefect." she said then smiled" You read my letter to home didn't you?"

"I couldn't help it." he laughed as Keller and a nurse brought the babies to them.

"Well, these two want to see their parents." Keller smiled as she handed Isabella to John and Chance to Kendra." what will you name them?"

"Chance and Isabella Edison Sheppard." Kendra smiled

John just laughed as he rested his head on Kendra's shoulder. Today he had com every close to losing everything that matter to him. Now they were giving a third chance to be a family. He wasn't going to lose it again. Fate. Cosmic interventions. God's will. Call it what you will. Life was too short not to love. Embrace the life you have because you'll never have another one.


End file.
